Day 3

Today seems a bit tougher than the last 2 days...I am eating all the right foods and lifting my 8 lb weight to start toning, but there is a side of me that seems even more powerful than the will power of weight loss...my biological clock. In any woman's life, there will be a time when she knows it is time for her to have babies...there is what you call a check list or a criteria of goal one woman should accomplish before trying for her first baby...
1. Be in a serious enough relationship (preferably marriage)
2. Be financially stable, knowing you can afford a baby
3. Feel not only physically ready, but emotionally ready, mentally ready, knowing you are mature enough and aware that you will forever on for the rest of your life be responsible for another human life.
4. Be settled into a permanent location, knowing you won't move into another town and/or state for at least a few years

but the one thing on the list that is not mentioned much or if at all is #5-do not be over weight for a pregnancy...well shit, I met all of the criteria except for, you guessed it! #5...and of course it can be the toughest most soul and witt challenging thing to accomplish...and now I am livid at myself for getting this heavy...I am now asking myself, "Why, Lauren? Why did you have to do this to yourself??" And of course I personally know at least 10 different women who are pregnant with their 1st, 2nd or even 3rd child right now, and I seem to be the only one who always has something just and inch from my reach...being overweight and wanting a baby is probably the worst feeling in the world to a young woman my age, hell I know I am not getting any younger, in fact, I am 27 going on 28 and I have never felt so powerless in my entire life. I know being as overweight as I am and pregnant can be just enough to sign my death warrant, and I know it is wise to lose as much as humanly possible before I take that journey like every other woman I know in my life...That and I am so sick and tired of many people asking me "when will me and my hubby finally get pregnant?" or "chop, chop get right to it missy!!!! your getting old enough for not having any kids." that sort of crap...I know how old I am, I know how heavy I am and I know everyone is having babies around me and rubbing it in my face, well, not all of the pregnant ladies i know...some are actually quite supportive and tell me that "your time will come, and when it does you will out shine us all, because you have wanted this so badly and for a long time..." I have had many girlfriends offer me advice, which I hold close to my heart everyday...even some family have been real nice and told me what was my rush?? 27 is young and you have the whole rest of your life to be a parent, well, actually before 40...but I have only been married for 21 months, some people wait even a few years into their marriages to get pregnant, but the thing is, I waited a little longer than most to get married, or I basically got married late in the game (I was 4 months shy of my 26th when I got married) I know it was a very wise thing for my husband and I to wait, I don't regret marrying when I did...

On a lighter note, for breakfast, had another toasted bagel with a thin layer of cream cheese on it, a pudding snack and for my mid morning snack I had 5 thick pieces of raw mushrooms...I actually like the taste of them, and it has the same appetite loss compounds in them like apples do...haven't had lunch yet, but I am planning on making a deli meat sandwich on sourdough (which counts as whole grain) and mustard...no mayo, no cheese...I may put some bell peppers in it, not sure and I will have a small side of cottage cheese 1% milk fat...I do have a big urge to weigh myself today, but I want to wait till at least Monday to see if the previous weekend held any good news for me...