well, I can proudly say I have now lost 32 pounds all together! can I get a woot?
I am now past all the junk food, I find myself eating 4-5 small meals daily now, never exceeding 1500 calories. I exercise in any way possible, if that means pilates one day and walking with my hubby another...at least everyday I do some kind of exercise. I drink diet soda (occasionally) but usually I intake water or flavored 0 calorie 0 sugar 0 sodium water...
I now fit into my loosest size 16's but I am comfortably without a belt fitting into an 18...that's 2 dress sizes down so far! But like my grandmother warned me I think my plateau has just begun because I have been weighing in at 237 for almost an entire week now, never gaining any weight, just staying put...I will give it another week, and if I stay the same then I should expect to stay this weight for another 2-4 weeks....but strangely, this would of made me feel very discouraged in the past, but I was and am well aware that a weight loss plateau is just your body readjusting to the rapid weight loss your body was going through and it basically went into survival mode to where it thinks it's starving, so the body naturally preserves itself for a few weeks before losing lots more poundage once again...
I was also able to into an XL size sundress too, comfortably might I add, when I used to wear XXXL dresses and looked like crap in them! But my figure is slowly coming back, my face has dramatically changed, my hips, thighs, waist, arms, and tummy all have shown some results! the only thing I am majorly disappointed in is that my boobs have not sown the slightest difference! still the same ol cup size, and that's where I want to lose it the most! I will not lie, I have big boobs. BIG BOOBS!!! They are so big, they stick out like next week! and losing 32 pounds didn't yield even 1/2 cup size smaller! arrrgggg!!!! I may not see smaller boobies until I am probably down at least another 50-60 pounds! Anyway I do what I can to "minimize" the big breasted appearance...wearing granny looking bras, the ones that really squeeze them in, of course I feel way unsexy, being a newly wed of almost 2 years and wearing granny bras! My husband is a saint and he tells me that I am beautiful from head to toe, and that I should never feel shameful in front of him, but after losing 32 pounds, I still have those big boobs! oh well.... 32 pounds is better than nothing at all!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 15
Well things are really blasting off now! As of today I am down to 252.4 lbs! yes!!!!! lost my first 15 pounds! This is great!!! I can't believe it that last month or even the beginning of this month I was just over 267 lbs! not only I met my goal of 10 lbs. for the month of march, but I exceeded that goal by and additional 5 pounds! nothing wrong with that! I have about another week left for march and I hope to lose around 4 more pounds by April 1st...I'm sure it will happen! So my new mini goal for april is to be down to 240 lbs by May 1st, that a loss of another 12 pounds from today...I bet I can exceed that goal too.
My grandma told me that sometime in my weight loss I will hit a plateau and not lose anything for maybe up to 6 weeks...she said it is very discouraging and frustrating even though you still follow your diet and exercise regiment, she says it's usually around the midpoint of your weight loss, so I expect that to happen when I hit around 210-220 lbs. But the good news of this plateau phase is that when it's over the last part of your weight will come off faster that ever before, so I am preparing for that probably late this summer...
15 pounds can be alot if you think about it, I basically lost the weight of 1.5 of my cats, the weight of my microwave (it's about 15 lbs), 15 pounds of fat gone from your body starts to show it's positive results! My jeans are now fitting looser, my face is thinner, I have more energy, and my body is now starting to sing and rejoice in my healthy choices. The places where I start to show weight lost first is my face, thighs, and butt...my husband looked at my tush and my saggy jeans and said, "honey I think your butt has gotten smaller seriously!" I was so happy to hear that! 15 pounds and I am already feeling better about myself, just 65 pounds to go to reach my first goal. I am still between 1,200-1,600 calories daily, but I am exercising harder, and that 8 lbs. weight is a great aid in my weight loss! Will update with you all again in a few days!!! gotta go eat a healthy lunch!
My grandma told me that sometime in my weight loss I will hit a plateau and not lose anything for maybe up to 6 weeks...she said it is very discouraging and frustrating even though you still follow your diet and exercise regiment, she says it's usually around the midpoint of your weight loss, so I expect that to happen when I hit around 210-220 lbs. But the good news of this plateau phase is that when it's over the last part of your weight will come off faster that ever before, so I am preparing for that probably late this summer...
15 pounds can be alot if you think about it, I basically lost the weight of 1.5 of my cats, the weight of my microwave (it's about 15 lbs), 15 pounds of fat gone from your body starts to show it's positive results! My jeans are now fitting looser, my face is thinner, I have more energy, and my body is now starting to sing and rejoice in my healthy choices. The places where I start to show weight lost first is my face, thighs, and butt...my husband looked at my tush and my saggy jeans and said, "honey I think your butt has gotten smaller seriously!" I was so happy to hear that! 15 pounds and I am already feeling better about myself, just 65 pounds to go to reach my first goal. I am still between 1,200-1,600 calories daily, but I am exercising harder, and that 8 lbs. weight is a great aid in my weight loss! Will update with you all again in a few days!!! gotta go eat a healthy lunch!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 12
Well, here it is almost 2 weeks in. I must say I still crave a few things, but the headaches are subsiding now and I don't feel as achy. Weighed myself on Friday the 19th when I got home from Kansas, and I weigh 255 lbs. even. Well that's not so bad, I lost another 1.6 lbs during the 4 days I was out of town, I knew I was following my diet well when visiting my folks., and I went for walks around my parent's property everyday I was there.
So my hubby and I both notice a lack in our appetite, me especially. I tried some mountain dew that I had sitting on my cabinet for over 2 weeks, and it just didn't taste the same...could it be true??? did I finally kick the stuff to the curb? I just poured the rest out and that was that! diet pop tastes way better for me now! haven't had a huge amount of sugar in over 2 weeks, and last night at the grocery store, didn't buy a thing in that department...although I must say brownies sounded pretty good, but my hubby helped me by leading me away from it...and i helped him by leading him away from pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting! it's good to have not only my life partner but a diet lifestyle change partner to be beside me in all this, we help each other and console each other in this! Thank God I married my man! My sweet Kansas farmboy raise on true grit! So here it is...5:00 am and I for once don't feel all that hungry right now (I'm still in my "no-no 12 hour zone" from 7pm-7am) so maybe in at least a couple of hours I will savour some plain organic yogurt with yummy granola and a tall glass of cranberry juice. Did I mention that I am now taking multivitamins and cranberry pills to aid in my lifestyle change?
So my hubby and I both notice a lack in our appetite, me especially. I tried some mountain dew that I had sitting on my cabinet for over 2 weeks, and it just didn't taste the same...could it be true??? did I finally kick the stuff to the curb? I just poured the rest out and that was that! diet pop tastes way better for me now! haven't had a huge amount of sugar in over 2 weeks, and last night at the grocery store, didn't buy a thing in that department...although I must say brownies sounded pretty good, but my hubby helped me by leading me away from it...and i helped him by leading him away from pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting! it's good to have not only my life partner but a diet lifestyle change partner to be beside me in all this, we help each other and console each other in this! Thank God I married my man! My sweet Kansas farmboy raise on true grit! So here it is...5:00 am and I for once don't feel all that hungry right now (I'm still in my "no-no 12 hour zone" from 7pm-7am) so maybe in at least a couple of hours I will savour some plain organic yogurt with yummy granola and a tall glass of cranberry juice. Did I mention that I am now taking multivitamins and cranberry pills to aid in my lifestyle change?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 9
Ok, just like I predicted, I am now in the lion's den with this diet. My body is rebelling in ways I never thought possible. I want pop, candy, chocolates, you name it! I also feel psychologically effected now too....granted alot of people are encouraging me and reminding me what to do, and it's sort of unnerving....I am already sick of hearing about it and thinking about it, I feel like a freak right now anyway, basically I still feel totally alone...it seems like I am in this world full of bad foods and skinny people. I feel like I am the only overweight person put on this earth to endure this great battle with my body. The battle is over with my body. I just had to admit to a problem with my weight but the war has just begun. My body is rebelling by headaches, cravings, constant extreme gut wrenching hunger, anger, irritability, frustration, body aches, fatigue, god you name it...
Just yesterday, my sis and I were walking around the property, and suddenly I felt my stomach clench in this extreme pain, and I vomitted right there in the field with my little sis holding my hair. It gets better, then we proceed to walk back to the house and I nearly pass out! Thankfully it was in the grass, and my sister who herself has had previous passing out episodes helped me sit up to get oxygen back into my brain and rubbed my back for a few minutes to get the blood cirrculation back on track. This happened because I only consumed no more then 400 calories that whole day, and I needed around 1,000 more to make my daily total caloric intake...this is what happens to me when I diet. I feel that something will go wrong and I have to basically starve to make sure I maintain my weight loss...I have the absolute worst metabolism and if I eat one wrong thing I will gain back 5-10 pounds instantly...but if I eat too little calories, I pass out and have no energy for the day...I'm at a crossroads right now, I either have to chance it and just eat 1,200-1,600 calories daily and lose weight the very slow way or just start starving myself by eating around 500 calories daily and lose a ton of weight real fast...diets suck! I am cranky, embarassed, sad, and wondering if this is really going to work and if I am just simply wasting my time? I feel like a damn freak, even only a few pounds less....I will always be a freak because I will always struggle with my weight, and I will always have to watch what I eat, even if I was stick thin. Everything I do is just not enough! 6 pounds? that's not even the weight of a damn brick. Is it obvious that my frustration is showing???
Just yesterday, my sis and I were walking around the property, and suddenly I felt my stomach clench in this extreme pain, and I vomitted right there in the field with my little sis holding my hair. It gets better, then we proceed to walk back to the house and I nearly pass out! Thankfully it was in the grass, and my sister who herself has had previous passing out episodes helped me sit up to get oxygen back into my brain and rubbed my back for a few minutes to get the blood cirrculation back on track. This happened because I only consumed no more then 400 calories that whole day, and I needed around 1,000 more to make my daily total caloric intake...this is what happens to me when I diet. I feel that something will go wrong and I have to basically starve to make sure I maintain my weight loss...I have the absolute worst metabolism and if I eat one wrong thing I will gain back 5-10 pounds instantly...but if I eat too little calories, I pass out and have no energy for the day...I'm at a crossroads right now, I either have to chance it and just eat 1,200-1,600 calories daily and lose weight the very slow way or just start starving myself by eating around 500 calories daily and lose a ton of weight real fast...diets suck! I am cranky, embarassed, sad, and wondering if this is really going to work and if I am just simply wasting my time? I feel like a damn freak, even only a few pounds less....I will always be a freak because I will always struggle with my weight, and I will always have to watch what I eat, even if I was stick thin. Everything I do is just not enough! 6 pounds? that's not even the weight of a damn brick. Is it obvious that my frustration is showing???
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day 4
Well folks, looks like I spoke too soon...I am already feeling the negative affects of dieting. Yes. My body is literally screaming on the inside at me, wanting nourishment...I am having the "sugar shakes" and the splitting caffeine headache to go right along with it. Also, my body is aching from head to toe, I feel like my body is being run over by a semi. So today, even though I lost another 2 lbs. day 4 was literally a hell I cannot even begin to describe. So I am now down to 256.4 as of this morning down exactly 6 pounds...that is the bright side of it all, I could lose a dress size by April 1st if I keep this rate going. I am drinking as much water as I possibly can so I don't feel a high urge to eat anything, which of course I now feel constantly hungry...
Is it normal to have real bad gas when starting a diet?? because for the last 2 days I have been playing the butt trumpet quite well...I know I am taking in more whole grain (fiber) which has been known to give people bad gas...oh well, just so long I don't get real gassy for my 3 hour car trip down to Kansas. Well I am keeping this post short because being in a sitting position really makes my gas feel worse, so I am closing.
Is it normal to have real bad gas when starting a diet?? because for the last 2 days I have been playing the butt trumpet quite well...I know I am taking in more whole grain (fiber) which has been known to give people bad gas...oh well, just so long I don't get real gassy for my 3 hour car trip down to Kansas. Well I am keeping this post short because being in a sitting position really makes my gas feel worse, so I am closing.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Day 3
Today seems a bit tougher than the last 2 days...I am eating all the right foods and lifting my 8 lb weight to start toning, but there is a side of me that seems even more powerful than the will power of weight loss...my biological clock. In any woman's life, there will be a time when she knows it is time for her to have babies...there is what you call a check list or a criteria of goal one woman should accomplish before trying for her first baby...
1. Be in a serious enough relationship (preferably marriage)
2. Be financially stable, knowing you can afford a baby
3. Feel not only physically ready, but emotionally ready, mentally ready, knowing you are mature enough and aware that you will forever on for the rest of your life be responsible for another human life.
4. Be settled into a permanent location, knowing you won't move into another town and/or state for at least a few years
but the one thing on the list that is not mentioned much or if at all is #5-do not be over weight for a pregnancy...well shit, I met all of the criteria except for, you guessed it! #5...and of course it can be the toughest most soul and witt challenging thing to accomplish...and now I am livid at myself for getting this heavy...I am now asking myself, "Why, Lauren? Why did you have to do this to yourself??" And of course I personally know at least 10 different women who are pregnant with their 1st, 2nd or even 3rd child right now, and I seem to be the only one who always has something just and inch from my reach...being overweight and wanting a baby is probably the worst feeling in the world to a young woman my age, hell I know I am not getting any younger, in fact, I am 27 going on 28 and I have never felt so powerless in my entire life. I know being as overweight as I am and pregnant can be just enough to sign my death warrant, and I know it is wise to lose as much as humanly possible before I take that journey like every other woman I know in my life...That and I am so sick and tired of many people asking me "when will me and my hubby finally get pregnant?" or "chop, chop get right to it missy!!!! your getting old enough for not having any kids." that sort of crap...I know how old I am, I know how heavy I am and I know everyone is having babies around me and rubbing it in my face, well, not all of the pregnant ladies i know...some are actually quite supportive and tell me that "your time will come, and when it does you will out shine us all, because you have wanted this so badly and for a long time..." I have had many girlfriends offer me advice, which I hold close to my heart everyday...even some family have been real nice and told me what was my rush?? 27 is young and you have the whole rest of your life to be a parent, well, actually before 40...but I have only been married for 21 months, some people wait even a few years into their marriages to get pregnant, but the thing is, I waited a little longer than most to get married, or I basically got married late in the game (I was 4 months shy of my 26th when I got married) I know it was a very wise thing for my husband and I to wait, I don't regret marrying when I did...
On a lighter note, for breakfast, had another toasted bagel with a thin layer of cream cheese on it, a pudding snack and for my mid morning snack I had 5 thick pieces of raw mushrooms...I actually like the taste of them, and it has the same appetite loss compounds in them like apples do...haven't had lunch yet, but I am planning on making a deli meat sandwich on sourdough (which counts as whole grain) and mustard...no mayo, no cheese...I may put some bell peppers in it, not sure and I will have a small side of cottage cheese 1% milk fat...I do have a big urge to weigh myself today, but I want to wait till at least Monday to see if the previous weekend held any good news for me...
1. Be in a serious enough relationship (preferably marriage)
2. Be financially stable, knowing you can afford a baby
3. Feel not only physically ready, but emotionally ready, mentally ready, knowing you are mature enough and aware that you will forever on for the rest of your life be responsible for another human life.
4. Be settled into a permanent location, knowing you won't move into another town and/or state for at least a few years
but the one thing on the list that is not mentioned much or if at all is #5-do not be over weight for a pregnancy...well shit, I met all of the criteria except for, you guessed it! #5...and of course it can be the toughest most soul and witt challenging thing to accomplish...and now I am livid at myself for getting this heavy...I am now asking myself, "Why, Lauren? Why did you have to do this to yourself??" And of course I personally know at least 10 different women who are pregnant with their 1st, 2nd or even 3rd child right now, and I seem to be the only one who always has something just and inch from my reach...being overweight and wanting a baby is probably the worst feeling in the world to a young woman my age, hell I know I am not getting any younger, in fact, I am 27 going on 28 and I have never felt so powerless in my entire life. I know being as overweight as I am and pregnant can be just enough to sign my death warrant, and I know it is wise to lose as much as humanly possible before I take that journey like every other woman I know in my life...That and I am so sick and tired of many people asking me "when will me and my hubby finally get pregnant?" or "chop, chop get right to it missy!!!! your getting old enough for not having any kids." that sort of crap...I know how old I am, I know how heavy I am and I know everyone is having babies around me and rubbing it in my face, well, not all of the pregnant ladies i know...some are actually quite supportive and tell me that "your time will come, and when it does you will out shine us all, because you have wanted this so badly and for a long time..." I have had many girlfriends offer me advice, which I hold close to my heart everyday...even some family have been real nice and told me what was my rush?? 27 is young and you have the whole rest of your life to be a parent, well, actually before 40...but I have only been married for 21 months, some people wait even a few years into their marriages to get pregnant, but the thing is, I waited a little longer than most to get married, or I basically got married late in the game (I was 4 months shy of my 26th when I got married) I know it was a very wise thing for my husband and I to wait, I don't regret marrying when I did...
On a lighter note, for breakfast, had another toasted bagel with a thin layer of cream cheese on it, a pudding snack and for my mid morning snack I had 5 thick pieces of raw mushrooms...I actually like the taste of them, and it has the same appetite loss compounds in them like apples do...haven't had lunch yet, but I am planning on making a deli meat sandwich on sourdough (which counts as whole grain) and mustard...no mayo, no cheese...I may put some bell peppers in it, not sure and I will have a small side of cottage cheese 1% milk fat...I do have a big urge to weigh myself today, but I want to wait till at least Monday to see if the previous weekend held any good news for me...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Day 2
Well day 2 brings some good news to my body...that scale I had is being put to good use and I had the courage to weigh myself today hoping for even a spec of progress...I now as of today I weigh in at 260.4 lbs...the last time I was weighed was not but a week ago at the doctor's office, weighing in at 263 lbs flat...so I have lost 2.6 pounds at least in the last 2 days! that is a small start, 2.6 pounds down, 77.4 pounds to go...so I know that my body does have the ability to lose pounds, I really needed that good news. Not only my digital scale reads weight, it also reads body fat percentage and hydration levels (which I have not figured out how to work yet) I don't think the body fat percentage reading would be entirely accurate anyway since the best way I know is by getting painfully pinched by those clamps at the doctor's office...I have absolutely no idea of what my body fat is, but I reckon it's not a good number...My highest pant size was at a size 22, but now I am sitting comfortably at a size 20, aka I can fit into old navy jeans without special ordering them...I do have pants/jeans ranging from size 12-22, so thank goodness I won't have to buy a whole new wardrobe once again once all the pounds are shed, if I do go below a size 12 however, I will be forced to spend hundreds of dollars on new clothes...
So far I haven't really felt the effects of feeling constant hunger...I have felt pretty satisfyingly full after eating every meal, I vowed to only eat 3 square meals daily, not exceeding 1500 calories, never ever eat a thing after 7:00 pm or before 7:00 am the next morning (except for drinking water) exercise daily for at least 20 minutes, and do the occasional weigh in 1-2 times weekly...I heard of people getting obsessed out of their minds by weighing in everyday, maybe multiple times daily, I will not be one of those people, I am a woman and I have to consider that monthly obstacles can get in the way of losing, like gaining temporary water weight when I menstruate monthly, I know that happens to me every month and I cannot get worked up over that.
I eat meals that would make me feel satisfyingly full, not stuffed. If I finish a meal and still feel pretty hungry, I would just simply eat 60 calories worth of sugar free pudding or better yet, 10 calories worth of sugar free jello cup. After that, then I would feel great until about 5 hours later...I predict the extreme hunger would set in about 2-3 weeks from now to where anything I eat will just not be enough, so then I will have to eat 6 small meals every 3 hours to help me with that...right now as far as caffeine, I will have to gradually wing myself from regular pop to diet rite to nothing...so I am drinking no more then 8 fluid ounces daily of the stuff instead of a whole 2 liter daily...
Bought an 8 pound mini weight to help myself with indoor exercises when it rains, and march to June is a wet rainy season in Lincoln...I am currently on the hunt for some size 9 roller skates to aid in my outdoor exercise regiment...so in a while I will do some lifting with my new barbell friend and anxiously await for my husband to return home from work so that he could make me another rick bayless creation! yay! off to a good start!
So far I haven't really felt the effects of feeling constant hunger...I have felt pretty satisfyingly full after eating every meal, I vowed to only eat 3 square meals daily, not exceeding 1500 calories, never ever eat a thing after 7:00 pm or before 7:00 am the next morning (except for drinking water) exercise daily for at least 20 minutes, and do the occasional weigh in 1-2 times weekly...I heard of people getting obsessed out of their minds by weighing in everyday, maybe multiple times daily, I will not be one of those people, I am a woman and I have to consider that monthly obstacles can get in the way of losing, like gaining temporary water weight when I menstruate monthly, I know that happens to me every month and I cannot get worked up over that.
I eat meals that would make me feel satisfyingly full, not stuffed. If I finish a meal and still feel pretty hungry, I would just simply eat 60 calories worth of sugar free pudding or better yet, 10 calories worth of sugar free jello cup. After that, then I would feel great until about 5 hours later...I predict the extreme hunger would set in about 2-3 weeks from now to where anything I eat will just not be enough, so then I will have to eat 6 small meals every 3 hours to help me with that...right now as far as caffeine, I will have to gradually wing myself from regular pop to diet rite to nothing...so I am drinking no more then 8 fluid ounces daily of the stuff instead of a whole 2 liter daily...
Bought an 8 pound mini weight to help myself with indoor exercises when it rains, and march to June is a wet rainy season in Lincoln...I am currently on the hunt for some size 9 roller skates to aid in my outdoor exercise regiment...so in a while I will do some lifting with my new barbell friend and anxiously await for my husband to return home from work so that he could make me another rick bayless creation! yay! off to a good start!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 1
My last hoorah last night was sushi...yes sushi...why not pizza, tacos, pasta? well I am better than that! sushi is actually pretty healthy anyway (just lay off the high sodium soy sauce) but last night My husband and I went to this place called Fugi, the best sushi place in Lincoln. I tried many different kinds, let's see...there was yellowfin, salmon, tuna, mackeral, at least those where the ones I could remember by name...this going out for us 2 was like a meeting for how we are going to do this new life style change...oh and yes my husband decided to journey with me on this too...
Luckily my husband has a book that is basically a restaurant guide for dieters...sushi was one of the good places to go to...and lots of other places had many healthy guiltless choices! But yes indeed eating homecooked meals the right way is good too...so for today?? I will have one toasted bagel for breakfast and with low fat cream cheese....lunch? hubby wants to take me to pho nugyen, a Vietnamese place that serves small portions and healthy soup. My hubby will cook from the rick bayless cookbook and make some authentic chicken quesodillas for dinner tonight. A very healthy day for me, and for exercising? I will start it out slow by trying some pilates. I know I won't feel the ill-effects of dieting until about 2 weeks from now, I know my body will want sugar, fat, all of that yummy tasting stuff, and I will feel very hungry all the time for about a month...this will be hard, the first month always is...since I am starting into the 2nd third of march, I will hopefully lose 10 pounds by april 1st. I definitely need to buy a scale to record my weight weekly, but every month after that I hope to lose at least 13 pounds. We'll see how well march goes for me.
Luckily my husband has a book that is basically a restaurant guide for dieters...sushi was one of the good places to go to...and lots of other places had many healthy guiltless choices! But yes indeed eating homecooked meals the right way is good too...so for today?? I will have one toasted bagel for breakfast and with low fat cream cheese....lunch? hubby wants to take me to pho nugyen, a Vietnamese place that serves small portions and healthy soup. My hubby will cook from the rick bayless cookbook and make some authentic chicken quesodillas for dinner tonight. A very healthy day for me, and for exercising? I will start it out slow by trying some pilates. I know I won't feel the ill-effects of dieting until about 2 weeks from now, I know my body will want sugar, fat, all of that yummy tasting stuff, and I will feel very hungry all the time for about a month...this will be hard, the first month always is...since I am starting into the 2nd third of march, I will hopefully lose 10 pounds by april 1st. I definitely need to buy a scale to record my weight weekly, but every month after that I hope to lose at least 13 pounds. We'll see how well march goes for me.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The Last Supper
I decided to get my life back...over the last few years when I looked in the mirror over and over again, I slowly saw my body get heavier and heavier. The jean sizes kept going up, my current clothes getting tighter, a new stretch mark would appear, and the food cravings just kept coming. If I would weigh myself and notice the I was 5 pounds heavier than the previous month, I would turn to food to comfort me, thus adding to the torturous cycle.
A little history of my weight gain...it all started back in 2004....I worked an entire summer as a restaurant hostess, walking an average 5 miles daily just by doing my job alone...I weighed in at 175 lbs...just 15 pounds more than my ideal weight. I looked good at that weight believe it or not, I was between a size 12-14, very muscular, healthy, and definitely not sickly. I felt good, and confident...my figure was very nice, I was a bit busty even then (D cup) but it does run in my genetics anyway....I would add to my daily excersize by swimming at my grandparents pool almost everyday for 3-5 hours daily...(my grandparents live within blocks from where I worked) I was busy all the time, never had time to eat, so that way I just maintained a healthy weight that way...but when I moved into my first apartment in college, that's when the pounds started to add on...it wasn't actually a big deal at first, I stepped on the scale that the gym close to my place and noticed I gained to 180 lbs. but that was in october if 2004...i knew my diet changed since the summer and I wasn't eating all the best foods...i just shrugged it off and didn't think much of it...afterall my all time high weigh in was 190lbs...i just told myself to never get higher than that, and I should be ok...
But boy did karma turn it's ugly head at me 4 months later...after eating out about 3x weekly and very little exercise, I decided to go to the rec center at my college and I weighed myself and the 3 digits reading across the screen said 204lbs. My heart sank into my stomach. There it was staring me right back in the face...204 pounds...not only I broke my all time high weight, but I broke over 200! I thought that day would never come, but it did, and a 24 pound weight gain in 4 months! I thought that it was impossible...so I stepped off the scale and tried it again...still the same...204.
So I went to the front desk and asked to have the scale collaborated or if it was somehow broken. They told me that they will have a look at it and in the meantime I could use another scale that they know worked just fine and it was in a private room...so i went and stepped on other scale...I felt the chunks rise deep from my stomach when it read the awful truth...204 that was how much i did weigh. I left right away and went straight home and cried that whole afternoon...i knew my clothes were fitting a little tight, but a 24 pound weight gain?! so through out 2005 i did what I could to try to lose weight, crash diets, exercising, whatever I could do...and of course my excersize regiment was abruptly stopped due to me breaking my right ankle on a treadmill...why did I do that? I was running at a pace too fast for my heavy body to keep up so I broke my ankle...great...can't do much with a broken ankle, and my doc told me no running for at least 6 months to ensure proper healing...so my exercise regiment became non existent. So now that I wasn't exercising anything I ate became extra fat storage...at the end of 2005 my weight went up to 220 lbs. I was literally depressed and hated myself for letting go like that. 2006 came and I was now a 16-18 and throughout that entire year I never exercised, and the weight just kept piling on...Of course I was engaged at the time but didn't quite set a date yet...but I was not looking forward to becoming a fat bride...so I just felt like I should not even care about planning a wedding...around Christmas time I had the morbid curiosity to weigh myself and I was at 235 lbs. By now I was seeing a psychiatrist switching from medication to medication. I felt like a failure. I felt worthless and just literally wanted to die. I thought I was unattractive, hated, and a complete disappointment. By the time I lost 3 loved ones in early 2007, something weird happened to my body...by the time june 2007 hit I lost 60 pounds and I was just several pounds from the weight I was nearly 3 years ago! I realized just how I lost that weight...I was grieving, on adderall, and always forgot to eat....when the summer of 2007 arrived, I was 50-60 pounds lighter and I felt confident enough to start planning my wedding...I was back to a solid size 16, and I was finally ready to try on wedding dresses...
I found the perfect dress, and was so excited to see everything fall into place. I set a date, June 6th 2008 and decided to stick with it. Well my weight loss was short lived, and starting the fall of 2007 I started putting the weight on once again. I felt stressed, sure for planning a wedding but was still generally a happy upbeat person, I was working full time again that winter to stay busy...I got on birth control that fall and noticed a change in my body and in my hormones, just like expected with most women taking the pill...my breasts increased greatly in size, my tummy got heavier, and I just felt plain weird all over...I am not going to blame my weight gain souly on birth control, but I know it did have a part in my weight gain...so by the time I got married in June 2008, I was back to 215 lbs. but I wasn't all that bent out of shape this time...I looked real nice in my dress and I did feel like a queen for a day. I was still seeing a therapist and was on antidepressants...and over the first year of my marriage I was slowly gaining weight, but I didn't turn to food anymore...something was contributing to my weight gain, but I was at a loss of what it could be...my husband and I went for walks, i ate 2-3 times daily but I was not eating huge portions, in fact I was quite aware of portion control.
By the time summer 2009 hit, I had gained to 265 and I was at a size 22...I was appalled. I went to my therapist and asked her why was I gaining all of this weight and without eating so much? she had no answer for me, in fact she told me coldly to stop with the caffeine intake and I should be fine. THAT DID IT. I left her office, researched my medication on the internet and was shocked my what I was reading...I found countless reports on patients taking this stuff gaining 50-100 lbs. and having very high blood pressure and tingly hands, so I cut myself off cold turkey. For the first several days after going off that medication, I was having withdrawal symptoms similar to those withdrawing from cocaine and/or heroine. I was shaking, experiencing tremors, hallucinating, cold sweats, headaches, body pains, vomiting, diarrhea, disorientation, paranoid behavior, confusion, memory loss, blackouts, in other words I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Even though I proved to myself I never really needed antidepressants, the physical health problems really started to occur...bladder problems, digestive problems, chest pains, fatigue, I was starting to think that the damage has already been done. The good news is that I have not gained a SINGLE POUND since June 2009 (when I got off the meds) in fact I have lost 10 pounds since I have moved up to Lincoln. But 10 pounds is just only scratching the surface, I have scars. Emotional and physical scars from the weight gain, this battle with my own body. I have stretch marks in places where I shouldn't have them, I am feeling terrible each day where I should be feeling great, I know I am in no physical shape to get pregnant right now even though I ever so desperately want children, I am tired of chest pains, I am tired of getting winded by doing even minor tasks, I am tired of stretch marks, fat rolls, buying plus sizes, I am tired of being tired, I am too young to feel old and I am getting too old for this. Life is short and what my body endured is just the start of a terrible life to come if I don't do something right now. I am literally killing myself from the inside out, and I can't do this anymore. I want to see 25+ years of marriage, I want to see my grandchildren and great grandchildren, I want to go to France someday and kiss my husband at the top of Eiffel tower. I want to have children as healthy as I can, I want to bury my parents someday and not have them bury me. I want to run in a 5K marathon and do it without going to the hospital, I want to give birth to beautiful babies without weighing 300+ pounds, I want to learn a 3rd language, I want to get that tattoo on my ass at age 90 like I promised myself, I want to die peacefully in my sleep when I am so damn old that my own kids forget how old I am. If I keep this shit up and keep gaining or not losing more than I did, I will be laying in a coffin by the time I am 40 and the coffin will be double the size to fit my 400 pound ass. I don't want that! So here is my goal. By the time I turn 28, which is this October (which is under 7 months), I want to lose at least 80 pounds.
I plan to eat right, no eating out, exercise daily, and tone tone tone. If I drop 11-13 pounds per month for the next several months, I can make my goal and give myself a second chance at life.
A little history of my weight gain...it all started back in 2004....I worked an entire summer as a restaurant hostess, walking an average 5 miles daily just by doing my job alone...I weighed in at 175 lbs...just 15 pounds more than my ideal weight. I looked good at that weight believe it or not, I was between a size 12-14, very muscular, healthy, and definitely not sickly. I felt good, and confident...my figure was very nice, I was a bit busty even then (D cup) but it does run in my genetics anyway....I would add to my daily excersize by swimming at my grandparents pool almost everyday for 3-5 hours daily...(my grandparents live within blocks from where I worked) I was busy all the time, never had time to eat, so that way I just maintained a healthy weight that way...but when I moved into my first apartment in college, that's when the pounds started to add on...it wasn't actually a big deal at first, I stepped on the scale that the gym close to my place and noticed I gained to 180 lbs. but that was in october if 2004...i knew my diet changed since the summer and I wasn't eating all the best foods...i just shrugged it off and didn't think much of it...afterall my all time high weigh in was 190lbs...i just told myself to never get higher than that, and I should be ok...
But boy did karma turn it's ugly head at me 4 months later...after eating out about 3x weekly and very little exercise, I decided to go to the rec center at my college and I weighed myself and the 3 digits reading across the screen said 204lbs. My heart sank into my stomach. There it was staring me right back in the face...204 pounds...not only I broke my all time high weight, but I broke over 200! I thought that day would never come, but it did, and a 24 pound weight gain in 4 months! I thought that it was impossible...so I stepped off the scale and tried it again...still the same...204.
So I went to the front desk and asked to have the scale collaborated or if it was somehow broken. They told me that they will have a look at it and in the meantime I could use another scale that they know worked just fine and it was in a private room...so i went and stepped on other scale...I felt the chunks rise deep from my stomach when it read the awful truth...204 that was how much i did weigh. I left right away and went straight home and cried that whole afternoon...i knew my clothes were fitting a little tight, but a 24 pound weight gain?! so through out 2005 i did what I could to try to lose weight, crash diets, exercising, whatever I could do...and of course my excersize regiment was abruptly stopped due to me breaking my right ankle on a treadmill...why did I do that? I was running at a pace too fast for my heavy body to keep up so I broke my ankle...great...can't do much with a broken ankle, and my doc told me no running for at least 6 months to ensure proper healing...so my exercise regiment became non existent. So now that I wasn't exercising anything I ate became extra fat storage...at the end of 2005 my weight went up to 220 lbs. I was literally depressed and hated myself for letting go like that. 2006 came and I was now a 16-18 and throughout that entire year I never exercised, and the weight just kept piling on...Of course I was engaged at the time but didn't quite set a date yet...but I was not looking forward to becoming a fat bride...so I just felt like I should not even care about planning a wedding...around Christmas time I had the morbid curiosity to weigh myself and I was at 235 lbs. By now I was seeing a psychiatrist switching from medication to medication. I felt like a failure. I felt worthless and just literally wanted to die. I thought I was unattractive, hated, and a complete disappointment. By the time I lost 3 loved ones in early 2007, something weird happened to my body...by the time june 2007 hit I lost 60 pounds and I was just several pounds from the weight I was nearly 3 years ago! I realized just how I lost that weight...I was grieving, on adderall, and always forgot to eat....when the summer of 2007 arrived, I was 50-60 pounds lighter and I felt confident enough to start planning my wedding...I was back to a solid size 16, and I was finally ready to try on wedding dresses...
I found the perfect dress, and was so excited to see everything fall into place. I set a date, June 6th 2008 and decided to stick with it. Well my weight loss was short lived, and starting the fall of 2007 I started putting the weight on once again. I felt stressed, sure for planning a wedding but was still generally a happy upbeat person, I was working full time again that winter to stay busy...I got on birth control that fall and noticed a change in my body and in my hormones, just like expected with most women taking the pill...my breasts increased greatly in size, my tummy got heavier, and I just felt plain weird all over...I am not going to blame my weight gain souly on birth control, but I know it did have a part in my weight gain...so by the time I got married in June 2008, I was back to 215 lbs. but I wasn't all that bent out of shape this time...I looked real nice in my dress and I did feel like a queen for a day. I was still seeing a therapist and was on antidepressants...and over the first year of my marriage I was slowly gaining weight, but I didn't turn to food anymore...something was contributing to my weight gain, but I was at a loss of what it could be...my husband and I went for walks, i ate 2-3 times daily but I was not eating huge portions, in fact I was quite aware of portion control.
By the time summer 2009 hit, I had gained to 265 and I was at a size 22...I was appalled. I went to my therapist and asked her why was I gaining all of this weight and without eating so much? she had no answer for me, in fact she told me coldly to stop with the caffeine intake and I should be fine. THAT DID IT. I left her office, researched my medication on the internet and was shocked my what I was reading...I found countless reports on patients taking this stuff gaining 50-100 lbs. and having very high blood pressure and tingly hands, so I cut myself off cold turkey. For the first several days after going off that medication, I was having withdrawal symptoms similar to those withdrawing from cocaine and/or heroine. I was shaking, experiencing tremors, hallucinating, cold sweats, headaches, body pains, vomiting, diarrhea, disorientation, paranoid behavior, confusion, memory loss, blackouts, in other words I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Even though I proved to myself I never really needed antidepressants, the physical health problems really started to occur...bladder problems, digestive problems, chest pains, fatigue, I was starting to think that the damage has already been done. The good news is that I have not gained a SINGLE POUND since June 2009 (when I got off the meds) in fact I have lost 10 pounds since I have moved up to Lincoln. But 10 pounds is just only scratching the surface, I have scars. Emotional and physical scars from the weight gain, this battle with my own body. I have stretch marks in places where I shouldn't have them, I am feeling terrible each day where I should be feeling great, I know I am in no physical shape to get pregnant right now even though I ever so desperately want children, I am tired of chest pains, I am tired of getting winded by doing even minor tasks, I am tired of stretch marks, fat rolls, buying plus sizes, I am tired of being tired, I am too young to feel old and I am getting too old for this. Life is short and what my body endured is just the start of a terrible life to come if I don't do something right now. I am literally killing myself from the inside out, and I can't do this anymore. I want to see 25+ years of marriage, I want to see my grandchildren and great grandchildren, I want to go to France someday and kiss my husband at the top of Eiffel tower. I want to have children as healthy as I can, I want to bury my parents someday and not have them bury me. I want to run in a 5K marathon and do it without going to the hospital, I want to give birth to beautiful babies without weighing 300+ pounds, I want to learn a 3rd language, I want to get that tattoo on my ass at age 90 like I promised myself, I want to die peacefully in my sleep when I am so damn old that my own kids forget how old I am. If I keep this shit up and keep gaining or not losing more than I did, I will be laying in a coffin by the time I am 40 and the coffin will be double the size to fit my 400 pound ass. I don't want that! So here is my goal. By the time I turn 28, which is this October (which is under 7 months), I want to lose at least 80 pounds.
I plan to eat right, no eating out, exercise daily, and tone tone tone. If I drop 11-13 pounds per month for the next several months, I can make my goal and give myself a second chance at life.
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