Day 9

Ok, just like I predicted, I am now in the lion's den with this diet. My body is rebelling in ways I never thought possible. I want pop, candy, chocolates, you name it! I also feel psychologically effected now too....granted alot of people are encouraging me and reminding me what to do, and it's sort of unnerving....I am already sick of hearing about it and thinking about it, I feel like a freak right now anyway, basically I still feel totally alone...it seems like I am in this world full of bad foods and skinny people. I feel like I am the only overweight person put on this earth to endure this great battle with my body. The battle is over with my body. I just had to admit to a problem with my weight but the war has just begun. My body is rebelling by headaches, cravings, constant extreme gut wrenching hunger, anger, irritability, frustration, body aches, fatigue, god you name it...
Just yesterday, my sis and I were walking around the property, and suddenly I felt my stomach clench in this extreme pain, and I vomitted right there in the field with my little sis holding my hair. It gets better, then we proceed to walk back to the house and I nearly pass out! Thankfully it was in the grass, and my sister who herself has had previous passing out episodes helped me sit up to get oxygen back into my brain and rubbed my back for a few minutes to get the blood cirrculation back on track. This happened because I only consumed no more then 400 calories that whole day, and I needed around 1,000 more to make my daily total caloric intake...this is what happens to me when I diet. I feel that something will go wrong and I have to basically starve to make sure I maintain my weight loss...I have the absolute worst metabolism and if I eat one wrong thing I will gain back 5-10 pounds instantly...but if I eat too little calories, I pass out and have no energy for the day...I'm at a crossroads right now, I either have to chance it and just eat 1,200-1,600 calories daily and lose weight the very slow way or just start starving myself by eating around 500 calories daily and lose a ton of weight real fast...diets suck! I am cranky, embarassed, sad, and wondering if this is really going to work and if I am just simply wasting my time? I feel like a damn freak, even only a few pounds less....I will always be a freak because I will always struggle with my weight, and I will always have to watch what I eat, even if I was stick thin. Everything I do is just not enough! 6 pounds? that's not even the weight of a damn brick. Is it obvious that my frustration is showing???